DeathsFriend22
08-29-2008, 08:51 PM
Shamelessly copied from the H3 Forums on Bungie for your enjoyment.
Posted by: Chrono Spartan
Have you ever wondered the secrets to defeating those BR whoring generals? You know, the tea-bagging arrogant ones who hope to go pro one day, and then finally move out of their moms basement? Then this guide is for you! First we will learn the secrets to defeating a general, which is what I call the D.I.K strategy. It's a simple 3 step strategy that will have any 5 star weeping as they realize their inadequacy, both "physically" and mentally. First we must identify our prey, this is the average General. (http://www.slapyo.com/wp-content/NintendoNerdLord.jpg)
1. Deprive
A general is like a wolf (http://www.blackfive.net/main/images/2007/09/28/angry_wolf.jpg) in it's tactics. AKA they only have 2 weapons in their arsenal, teeth, and claws, and BR, and sniper rifle respectfully. Deprive it of those two weapons and it has no offense. Of course, a wolf could always jump and knock you down, but I don't think people can do that yet through Xbox Live. They can always scream profanities and oaths though.
Keep in closed in areas and the general can't defeat you, as long as you have a good close range weapon like a Magnum. Of course, this strategy is obviously foolish if your fighting a wolf because they can slit your throat with some ease in close quarters, or mutilate your body in uncomfortable ways.
Remember to always go for the sniper rifle and waste the ammo, unless your some kind of crack shot and have a good camping spot. Camping also works excellently on wolves, till you run out of ammo, then you should be thinking about what would be the least painful way to go. I suggest a drug overdose in that case. A general may whine about how camping is so unfair, but if he kills you, he'll have grabbed the shotgun before it even hits the ground, and of course promptly crouchs around the nearest corner.
2. Isolate
Generals are generally patient, seeing as how having no life (http://www.infendo.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/nerd-46422.jpg) to pass the time really helps with that. This can come to your advantage seeing as how he will never run into a grenade, sometimes even losing a game rather than taking the offensive. Yes, generals can't bear the thought of cheating and using an AR to kill someone, or using a suicide stick to smoke out a camper.
Remember that the average general hasn't slept in a couple days, preferring to stay up playing Halo and watching p0rn, mostly of the furry/creepy variety. If you can back him into a corner, he will do anything to get out, sometimes committing suicide in the process (in the game of course, he only contemplates suicide when he's been deprived of Halo for a few hours, or if he hasn't fapped in 2 hours). Remember that while a general says he's against grenade spamming, he usually says that while he's trying to cram as many grenades as physically possible into his belt.
3. Kill
Close in for the righteous kill! When the general eventually gets pissed enough he will rush you, firing his BR pea shooter all the way! Gun him down, finish it with a bone-cracking melee, and then tea-bag him for roughly 30 seconds while telling him about the promiscuity of his mother. This will piss him off so he will probably rush you while screaming fearsome amounts of profanity at you. Try throwing a grenade as he rushs around a corner, his anger has probably clouded his ADD impaired judgement. Remember, use a general's anger (http://home.acceleration.net/clark/COOL938/Email.Essays/anger.jpg) against him; take the following conversation as an example.
General: YOU -blam!-! -blam!- YOU AND YOUR -blam!- AR YOU -blam!-! AFTER I -blam!- YOU UP I WILL KICK YOUR -blam!- *** AND THEN -blam!- YOUR -blam!- -blam!- OF A -blam!- MOM! -blam!- YOU, YOU SON OF A -blam!-!
You: What was that? I had my mic off.
FAQ
1. What if a general challenges you to a 1v1 after you kick his ***?
Answer: Tell him that your girlfriend is waiting for you somewhere. This will serve to confuse him, seeing as how he doesn't know what real girls are (anime doesn't count).
2. What if the general starts to win?
Answer: Make like your rushing out into the open with a BR. Generals love BR fights like a drug addict loves speed, so suddenly duck inside a room. The general will rush in bunny-hopping all the way, screaming "4-SHOT!" till he runs into a mauler or shotgun. Then you may wish to turn your mic off, in preperation for the storm of profanity about to follow.
3. What should I do if a general is on my team?
Answer: In case of that frightening possibility, try to run into one of the thousands of grenades he throws. Then promptly boot him.
4. What if a general tea-bags me?
Answer: Just say "Oh that feels good". Seeing as how many generals are "different", this will, ahem "distract" them from the game.
In conclusion the general is a prey that can be hard to put down, but kicking a general's *** is easy if you roll the D.I.K. way. And remember, the general will always be like he is, theres no changing them. When he's not telling Bungie how big and powerful the sniper rifle should be (http://www.50bmg.net/images/rotate/1.jpg), he's complaining about the hitboxes when he claims he hit somebody (http://byfiles.storage.msn.com/y1plLIZRwr-MrqjnQ7cOw0gavBUZgzND5iK6rRl8kG87At7Nxm_sJ1e5TjptBwA9Tbt9DXEFqN3wT4).
And, one last tip, try talking to a general about 4chan (http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g10/Junipop/PD/4chan-warning.jpg), most generals love 4chan so this will distract him while your trying to kill him. Prepare for a disturbing amount of nerd talk and random Japanese words though. Remember, be a D.I.K to succeed!
Posted by: Chrono Spartan
Have you ever wondered the secrets to defeating those BR whoring generals? You know, the tea-bagging arrogant ones who hope to go pro one day, and then finally move out of their moms basement? Then this guide is for you! First we will learn the secrets to defeating a general, which is what I call the D.I.K strategy. It's a simple 3 step strategy that will have any 5 star weeping as they realize their inadequacy, both "physically" and mentally. First we must identify our prey, this is the average General. (http://www.slapyo.com/wp-content/NintendoNerdLord.jpg)
1. Deprive
A general is like a wolf (http://www.blackfive.net/main/images/2007/09/28/angry_wolf.jpg) in it's tactics. AKA they only have 2 weapons in their arsenal, teeth, and claws, and BR, and sniper rifle respectfully. Deprive it of those two weapons and it has no offense. Of course, a wolf could always jump and knock you down, but I don't think people can do that yet through Xbox Live. They can always scream profanities and oaths though.
Keep in closed in areas and the general can't defeat you, as long as you have a good close range weapon like a Magnum. Of course, this strategy is obviously foolish if your fighting a wolf because they can slit your throat with some ease in close quarters, or mutilate your body in uncomfortable ways.
Remember to always go for the sniper rifle and waste the ammo, unless your some kind of crack shot and have a good camping spot. Camping also works excellently on wolves, till you run out of ammo, then you should be thinking about what would be the least painful way to go. I suggest a drug overdose in that case. A general may whine about how camping is so unfair, but if he kills you, he'll have grabbed the shotgun before it even hits the ground, and of course promptly crouchs around the nearest corner.
2. Isolate
Generals are generally patient, seeing as how having no life (http://www.infendo.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/nerd-46422.jpg) to pass the time really helps with that. This can come to your advantage seeing as how he will never run into a grenade, sometimes even losing a game rather than taking the offensive. Yes, generals can't bear the thought of cheating and using an AR to kill someone, or using a suicide stick to smoke out a camper.
Remember that the average general hasn't slept in a couple days, preferring to stay up playing Halo and watching p0rn, mostly of the furry/creepy variety. If you can back him into a corner, he will do anything to get out, sometimes committing suicide in the process (in the game of course, he only contemplates suicide when he's been deprived of Halo for a few hours, or if he hasn't fapped in 2 hours). Remember that while a general says he's against grenade spamming, he usually says that while he's trying to cram as many grenades as physically possible into his belt.
3. Kill
Close in for the righteous kill! When the general eventually gets pissed enough he will rush you, firing his BR pea shooter all the way! Gun him down, finish it with a bone-cracking melee, and then tea-bag him for roughly 30 seconds while telling him about the promiscuity of his mother. This will piss him off so he will probably rush you while screaming fearsome amounts of profanity at you. Try throwing a grenade as he rushs around a corner, his anger has probably clouded his ADD impaired judgement. Remember, use a general's anger (http://home.acceleration.net/clark/COOL938/Email.Essays/anger.jpg) against him; take the following conversation as an example.
General: YOU -blam!-! -blam!- YOU AND YOUR -blam!- AR YOU -blam!-! AFTER I -blam!- YOU UP I WILL KICK YOUR -blam!- *** AND THEN -blam!- YOUR -blam!- -blam!- OF A -blam!- MOM! -blam!- YOU, YOU SON OF A -blam!-!
You: What was that? I had my mic off.
FAQ
1. What if a general challenges you to a 1v1 after you kick his ***?
Answer: Tell him that your girlfriend is waiting for you somewhere. This will serve to confuse him, seeing as how he doesn't know what real girls are (anime doesn't count).
2. What if the general starts to win?
Answer: Make like your rushing out into the open with a BR. Generals love BR fights like a drug addict loves speed, so suddenly duck inside a room. The general will rush in bunny-hopping all the way, screaming "4-SHOT!" till he runs into a mauler or shotgun. Then you may wish to turn your mic off, in preperation for the storm of profanity about to follow.
3. What should I do if a general is on my team?
Answer: In case of that frightening possibility, try to run into one of the thousands of grenades he throws. Then promptly boot him.
4. What if a general tea-bags me?
Answer: Just say "Oh that feels good". Seeing as how many generals are "different", this will, ahem "distract" them from the game.
In conclusion the general is a prey that can be hard to put down, but kicking a general's *** is easy if you roll the D.I.K. way. And remember, the general will always be like he is, theres no changing them. When he's not telling Bungie how big and powerful the sniper rifle should be (http://www.50bmg.net/images/rotate/1.jpg), he's complaining about the hitboxes when he claims he hit somebody (http://byfiles.storage.msn.com/y1plLIZRwr-MrqjnQ7cOw0gavBUZgzND5iK6rRl8kG87At7Nxm_sJ1e5TjptBwA9Tbt9DXEFqN3wT4).
And, one last tip, try talking to a general about 4chan (http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g10/Junipop/PD/4chan-warning.jpg), most generals love 4chan so this will distract him while your trying to kill him. Prepare for a disturbing amount of nerd talk and random Japanese words though. Remember, be a D.I.K to succeed!