Skittlemeister
06-10-2009, 11:30 AM
Please, do not take offense to any racial profiling found in this truthful story.
Civil War Hero
During the Civil War, many people influenced the outcome because of being such great heroes. Well, only one of these people actually did something. This person was a man amongst men and it was a shame that he was killed.
Jesus was probably the main factor as to why the Civil War was fought the way it was. Not only was Jesus really cool, he happened to be very smart. Jesus was born in 1923, just about the same time as the roarin' 20s. So anyways, everyone knew Jesus was great. When he turned three he mastered the pogo stick, and everyone knows how hard that damn thing is. Shortly after mastering it, he grew bored, so he ditched it and bought a bike. One day when he was out on his nice bike he had just spent a lot of money on, some black guy came and stole the bike out from under him.He ran after him for hours yelling "Nigga stole my bike!" but nobody did anything at all to help him. This was when Jesus knew it was time for a change. He quickly learned that black people don't steal scooters, so he asked Marty McFly if he could bring him one from the past because those things died along with President Clinton. He got his scooter and rode all the way from Springfield, New York all the way to Olympia, Washington, which is like five billion miles, and that's a lot even for an airplane.
Once he got there Jesus came up with a plan , which was considered crazy by everyone: the non-violent protest. He sat around fro days until somebody came up to him and told him he could have the government. Jesus decided that black people needed to stop stealing bikes. Because of this the Civil War broke out, which took place between China and Pakistan. The poeple fought for about fifty years, and it finally ended in about 2020, but only was like "Jesus we are out of ammo." Jesus simply replied, "What do I have to work with?" He saw that he only had a banana. About 17 seconds later, Jesus invented the nuclear bomb, and dropped it onto Pakistan, killing maybe two-thirds of the population. The people believed Jesus was modding, so they quit and joined another server. Once the war was over, Jesus was hit by a car, and with his dying breath said "Worship me!" and died.
As you can see, without Jesus, the world would be a terrible place.All over the world black people would be stealing your bike. So, without him, we would all be helpless.
Civil War Hero
During the Civil War, many people influenced the outcome because of being such great heroes. Well, only one of these people actually did something. This person was a man amongst men and it was a shame that he was killed.
Jesus was probably the main factor as to why the Civil War was fought the way it was. Not only was Jesus really cool, he happened to be very smart. Jesus was born in 1923, just about the same time as the roarin' 20s. So anyways, everyone knew Jesus was great. When he turned three he mastered the pogo stick, and everyone knows how hard that damn thing is. Shortly after mastering it, he grew bored, so he ditched it and bought a bike. One day when he was out on his nice bike he had just spent a lot of money on, some black guy came and stole the bike out from under him.He ran after him for hours yelling "Nigga stole my bike!" but nobody did anything at all to help him. This was when Jesus knew it was time for a change. He quickly learned that black people don't steal scooters, so he asked Marty McFly if he could bring him one from the past because those things died along with President Clinton. He got his scooter and rode all the way from Springfield, New York all the way to Olympia, Washington, which is like five billion miles, and that's a lot even for an airplane.
Once he got there Jesus came up with a plan , which was considered crazy by everyone: the non-violent protest. He sat around fro days until somebody came up to him and told him he could have the government. Jesus decided that black people needed to stop stealing bikes. Because of this the Civil War broke out, which took place between China and Pakistan. The poeple fought for about fifty years, and it finally ended in about 2020, but only was like "Jesus we are out of ammo." Jesus simply replied, "What do I have to work with?" He saw that he only had a banana. About 17 seconds later, Jesus invented the nuclear bomb, and dropped it onto Pakistan, killing maybe two-thirds of the population. The people believed Jesus was modding, so they quit and joined another server. Once the war was over, Jesus was hit by a car, and with his dying breath said "Worship me!" and died.
As you can see, without Jesus, the world would be a terrible place.All over the world black people would be stealing your bike. So, without him, we would all be helpless.